Sunday, May 29, 2005

Tendrils of Love…

Yesterday, May 28, 2005 my best friend, S, got married. It was a wonderful and overwhelming day filled with love and hope for the happy couple and us. S and C looked so incredibly happy and everyone there was thrilled to see them take this step forward in their lives.

After I had completed my Matron of Honor duties and everyone was enjoying the reception, I was given a real blessing from God. J and I were circulating saying our hellos to everyone and just enjoying ourselves immensely. As I stopped and chatted with various people I noticed over and over people asking me "So, when do you leave?" I always answered "We are hoping for the first of July". Then almost everyone who asked me about our adoption would say, "Well, we are really praying for you all. We can’t wait to meet him as soon as you get home." I was so blown away. Some of these people have known J and me for years and have been pulling for us for a long time now. However, there were many that really don’t know us. People that we have met once or twice but are as interested in our adoption as my own Mom! Many of these interested parties were C’s family that only know us through S and C.

As J and I drove home from the "day after wedding breakfast" this morning I was thinking about all of the folks that are "thinking of and praying for" us and our son. What a wonderful blessing from God…tendrils of love from far and wide. Yet again, He has provided us with so much love and support and in a place and time that has nothing to do with our adoption or us. When we do get our little man home, he will be surrounded by love and care that he won’t even know about.

Thank you Lord, for your perfect provision every time.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Moving to the next phase...and shaking in my shoes

Well, Friday May 20 was my last day at work. I left a job that I have held since July 1999. Practically the whole time that I have been there, J and I have either been ttc, dealing with IF treatments, or pursuing adoption. The fact that I have left my job represents a whole new chapter in our lives and I am a little anxious about the changes. J and I have always planned that I would stay at home with our children, so I am really excited about not having to try and balance a career and a family. However, I am a little nervous about being at home and not yet having our son home.

This weekend has been really wonderful though because I did not have to get all of my usual running around, house cleaning and laundry done in two days. I will have some time during the week to get some things done and that is a wonderful thought. I have quiet a "to do" list before we leave for Kazakhstan (still hoping for an early July departure date), but I feel that with some of the extra time that I will have between now and then, I will get it all done.

I am really looking forward to helping my sister, who is eight and half months pregnant, by looking after my niece, W, a few days a week before she begins her maternity leave in mid June. W is four and such a character. I am really excited about our forethcoming time together and I think that she is too. So, we'll see how that goes.

I am hoping that the next few weeks will allow me some down time before we travel, as I know that I will never really have that again. Being a Mom is a full-time job for life. I am so excited about taking that job, but if I can start out a little rested...all the better by me! I'm still nervous about the coming weeks, but once I dive in and get busy, I don't think that I will really have time to be scared. Let's hope so anyway.

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Still Determined...

I have been reading everything and anything that I can get my hands on about this "Visa Issue" that has pushed our travel dates out by a month. It seems that we were going to be a part of the May 26 travel group, until this "Visa Issue" popped up for the May 9 travel group. Normally when there is such an issue the group gets pushed out by a couple of days. However, this time had the group left any later than May 12; their court dates would coincide with the Judge's two week vacation. Some of the folks did not receive their Letter of Invitation until yesterday, so there was no way that a May 12 departure was going to work. So that is why our group has been pushed to July.

J and I are still very disappointed and frustrated. We are mostly frustrated that our agency did not give us any kind of warning about this delay. I know that they knew about it because they are the ones coordinating the former May 9 group. My frustration is with S the Kazak coordinator in DC. She knew that this was an issue, but neglected to inform our Social Worker until after they had told us that we had made it out of the MFA. Not to mention how horribly our Agency Director handled the situation. I cannot even articulate how horrible that conversation was on Tuesday. He was a total putz. I have to let it go and just continue to keep my head down and remain determined to get there. Our son is counting on us.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This is the latest from our Social Worker...


C,
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get back to you. I was not able to contact S on Friday and then I was out on Monday. Anyway, S is estimating that travel would be in the beginning of July. It is still a ways off, but it is coming.
I hope this helps. Have a good day!


What? July? All along they have said May or June!! I am devastated.

J and I are calling the agency director this afternoon to see what, if anything, he can do to move our travel dates.

And so, we wait...again.

Update: The call with our agency director was completely fruitless. His consolation was that at least our little one was still avaiable for adoption. The director had just called someone this morning and had to inform them that their referral was no longer available because an Aunt had stepped forward.

Gee, thanks. That really helps me with the wait.

Friday, May 06, 2005

PRAISE!

Praise the Lord!! I just heard from our SW and she said that our dossier is out of the MFA! Now we are just waiting on travel dates. WOO HOO!! Thank you Lord for such a wonderful Mother's Day gift.

We are almost there...

Some days are harder than others...

It’s been a tough week. As Mother’s Day approaches I find myself feeling more and more down. In years past this "Holiday" has not really brought me down the way it does some people that are dealing with IF. I would often tell myself "Next year you will have your little one too". Most of the time that was enough to get me through and to keep me from being really blue on that special day in May. However, this year when I really feel that this is the last Mother’s Day without our child being with us, I am a mess. I’ve cried every night this week. The pain has been so acute over the past few days and I am allowing myself to be ruled by my fears. I am clinging to my fears and not the Lord and I know it. Yet, I don’t seem to want to stop it.

J has been out of town on business this week, so when I get home from work it is just Sherman and me. Usually I truly enjoy those evenings alone when J is out of town, but not this week. There has been a lot going on at work and I am certain that is part of it. However, there seems to be something else. Fear…not a specific fear, just an overwhelming sense of fear. The weight of it this week has been crushing.

I am really hoping and praying that next week when I contact our Social Worker for an update, she will have some good news for us. J and I need it. Until then though I know that I need to get on my knees and surrender my fears and anxieties. I can’t function this way, and I know that I don’t have to.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

No new news here...

The latest non-word from our Social Worker:

C
S emailed and states that Kaz is closed for holiday, but that your dossier is still in the MFA-so no travel dates yet-sorry.

Thanks and I will keep checking on travel for you.

Monday, May 02, 2005

His room is ready and so are we...

This weekend J and I went to visit his Mom and Dad. We had a great time and arrived home yesterday revved to finish the nursery. We finished hanging the border and it looks great! Then we hauled the dresser and the bookcase up from the garage where they have resided since J finished staining them last weekend. The furniture stain matches the crib color beautifully and honestly, I could not be more pleased with the outcome.

Next we moved all of the "stuff" from our Baby Shower into the room and started unpacking it all. J and I were like kids in a candy store as we went through everything and imagined our little guy using it all. We opened the new Diaper Champ and got it all ready to go. The diaper stacker even has diapers in it! Now all we need is our little guy home with us. First however, we need travel dates. No word yet on those...hopefully soon. Please Lord, soon.