Crappy Anniversary...

It was one year ago today that we received our final BFN (Big Fat Negative) from our final IVF cycle. It marked an end to our years struggling with infertility. As painful as it was, it was not as hard to accept as our first BFN in August 2003. I guess that J and I were not as naïve, so we were somewhat prepared/expecting a negative result. Especially considering how horrible our embryo transfer went. It took over an hour because my cervix kept folding over on itself and the Dr. was unable to get the catheter into the miniscule opening. Typically this procedure takes about 5 minutes.

By the end of the cycle J and I had basically decided that if this cycle did not result in a pregnancy, then we were ready to get off of the IVF train. Following our post cycle consultation with Dr. G we were still ready to leave IVF behind us, even though he seemed to feel that if we tried again and added a cervical dilation to the menu we may increase our odds of success. J and I were tired of being disappointed and so we started really looking at other options.

A little over a month later we were sitting in the conference room of our soon-to-be adoption agency listening to their pitch about Russian and Kazakhstan adoptions. I foolishly thought that by the time we hit April 15, 2005 we would have our baby home with us. Truthfully, if things in Russia had remained the same, we likely would have been home by now and on to the next phase of our lives. However, if things had remained the same with the Russian program, then we would not have taken the leap of faith to change to Kazakhstan and ultimately found our son.

I can’t wait to see where we are on April 15, 2006. I pray that J, Sherman and I are chasing a little 25 month old around the house! Only time will tell.