We accepted the referral! Woo Hoo!! It is still a little surreal for both J and me. We are going to be parents!
I am totally blown away at the love that I already feel for this child. I mean, I have never met him and all I have is an incredibly out of date video, but it is as if he has been in my heart forever. I guess he has been in my heart forever because I've always wanted children. I guess that this feeling is somewhat like what a pregnant woman feels. You feel love for a child that you have never "really" seen and certainly have never held.
He was born on March 18, 2004 in Kazakhstan. He was 8.5 lbs. and 20.4 inches long.
I pray that he will be home with us very soon.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
So now what?
Our SW called late last week and she had another referral for us...from another country. When she called and told J and me the details, we both became excited. As we watched the video and reviewed the medical, we started to believe that perhaps this was going happen for us after all.
The only real problem that J and I have with the information that was provided to us, is that it is all from when the child was 2 months old, he is now 11 months old. That is a large amount of time with no information. We don't feel that we need another video, but we would like some more information about the child's health in the intervening months. I sent the information and a copy of the video to our IA Doctor on Friday and they received the package this morning. So now we wait to hear what they have to say.
I know what I want them to say to us. "He looks very healthy for a 2 month old, and all will be just fine. Go forward with confidence!" However, they are more likely to say that without further measurements, they can't really say much. We have already requested more measurements from our agency, but they have to come from halfway around the world, and things don't always move very quickly.
We are very hopeful, and for that I am very grateful. Hope is usually the first thing to go when we are faced with difficult situations, and that has certainly been true for me and J and our adoption. I've been praying and asking for the Lord to make it clear to us whether we should take that "leap of faith" that they talk about in international adoption, or if we need to hang back just now. He'll show us, we just need to be open to hearing what He has to say.
The only real problem that J and I have with the information that was provided to us, is that it is all from when the child was 2 months old, he is now 11 months old. That is a large amount of time with no information. We don't feel that we need another video, but we would like some more information about the child's health in the intervening months. I sent the information and a copy of the video to our IA Doctor on Friday and they received the package this morning. So now we wait to hear what they have to say.
I know what I want them to say to us. "He looks very healthy for a 2 month old, and all will be just fine. Go forward with confidence!" However, they are more likely to say that without further measurements, they can't really say much. We have already requested more measurements from our agency, but they have to come from halfway around the world, and things don't always move very quickly.
We are very hopeful, and for that I am very grateful. Hope is usually the first thing to go when we are faced with difficult situations, and that has certainly been true for me and J and our adoption. I've been praying and asking for the Lord to make it clear to us whether we should take that "leap of faith" that they talk about in international adoption, or if we need to hang back just now. He'll show us, we just need to be open to hearing what He has to say.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Accepting Nyet...
In order for me to move forward, must I first be able to accept that the answer may be no? Let me explain.
J and I had a very difficult day yesterday. We received a referral for a 20 month old little boy. Our age range has always been "as young as possible" which seems to be a moving target in Russia these days. Our social worker called and explained that she had a potential referral for us, but that he was out of our age range. She asked if we were interested in pursuing the referral? J and I needed to discuss it before we went any further, as 20 months was significantly older than what we have been envisioning.
After a lot of discussion and tears we decided that at this time we are not prepared to accept a child that will likely be 2+ when they arrive home with us. Last night at the dinner table we were discussing what exactly are we prepared to accept? Within that discussion arose a question that has surfaced many times during our years of ttc. Are we prepared to accept that the final answer from God may be that we are not to have children? It isn't the answer that J wants, however he is willing to accept it, should that be God's final answer. Simply put, I am in no way prepared for that answer. In fact, whenever I try to deal with that possibility I can hardly breath.
Over the years, I've tried to deal with that possibility...to accept that it may indeed be where we end up. However, every time I have tried to accept it, I end up an emotional mess. Last spring was the last time I tried to deal with it. I cried on my way to work for two weeks. I can't live like that.
So, here I am again. Wondering if in order for us to move forward, must I accept that this may NOT end in a child for us? Why should I accept something that may not even happen? Why waste all of the energy and emotion on something that may never come to pass? Then again, how much harder will it be for me to accept that answer if it is where we end up?
This is so exhausting.
J and I had a very difficult day yesterday. We received a referral for a 20 month old little boy. Our age range has always been "as young as possible" which seems to be a moving target in Russia these days. Our social worker called and explained that she had a potential referral for us, but that he was out of our age range. She asked if we were interested in pursuing the referral? J and I needed to discuss it before we went any further, as 20 months was significantly older than what we have been envisioning.
After a lot of discussion and tears we decided that at this time we are not prepared to accept a child that will likely be 2+ when they arrive home with us. Last night at the dinner table we were discussing what exactly are we prepared to accept? Within that discussion arose a question that has surfaced many times during our years of ttc. Are we prepared to accept that the final answer from God may be that we are not to have children? It isn't the answer that J wants, however he is willing to accept it, should that be God's final answer. Simply put, I am in no way prepared for that answer. In fact, whenever I try to deal with that possibility I can hardly breath.
Over the years, I've tried to deal with that possibility...to accept that it may indeed be where we end up. However, every time I have tried to accept it, I end up an emotional mess. Last spring was the last time I tried to deal with it. I cried on my way to work for two weeks. I can't live like that.
So, here I am again. Wondering if in order for us to move forward, must I accept that this may NOT end in a child for us? Why should I accept something that may not even happen? Why waste all of the energy and emotion on something that may never come to pass? Then again, how much harder will it be for me to accept that answer if it is where we end up?
This is so exhausting.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Hope Springs Eternal...I guess
As J and I were finishing our scrumptious dinner of baked lobster tails, sea scallops and sauteed spinach last night, we had the following conversation:
J: I guess that I was kind of hoping that you were pregnant this month.
Me: What?
J: I mean because of all of the bad news this month in regards to our adoption. I was just hoping that maybe that was the reason that everything seems to be moving so slowly.
Me: Wow. I'm floored that you still think that we can get pregnant. After all we've been through, I thought that we both kind of felt like that (getting pregnant naturally) was just not meant to be for us.
J: I know. I was just hoping that maybe we would be that illusive couple that "started to adopt and bam, they're pregnant!"
Hope does spring eternal that we will somehow overcome the odds that seem to be against us for growing a family together. We will do it one way or the other.
J: I guess that I was kind of hoping that you were pregnant this month.
Me: What?
J: I mean because of all of the bad news this month in regards to our adoption. I was just hoping that maybe that was the reason that everything seems to be moving so slowly.
Me: Wow. I'm floored that you still think that we can get pregnant. After all we've been through, I thought that we both kind of felt like that (getting pregnant naturally) was just not meant to be for us.
J: I know. I was just hoping that maybe we would be that illusive couple that "started to adopt and bam, they're pregnant!"
Hope does spring eternal that we will somehow overcome the odds that seem to be against us for growing a family together. We will do it one way or the other.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
To do list...
I'm having a hard time right now. I want to know WHEN will everything in Russia be resolved and more importantly when will my adoption be complete? I know that I need to throw myself into other areas of my life but I am so totally consumed that I find it hard to think of anything else, much less act on it. Here are the things that I need to work on to pass the time right now...
1. J and I are planning to install hardwood floors in our home and I need to get off my duff and get started on that project.
2. We are also planning to paint the living room and dining room. I need to buy the paint for the living room and choose the color for the dining room.
3. My best friend, S, is getting married in May. J and I (and another couple) are planning on giving her and her fiance an "Around the House" shower in April. I have SO much to do to get this party in gear, and I have done nothing!
4. J and I also need to finish the nursery. We have painted, but that is about it. The crib arrived two months earlier than expected, but it is just sitting on the floor of the nursery still in the shipping package. We have bought the border that we want to use and we have also ordered the baby's dresser and a bookcase that needs to be stained. So we have taken some small steps to get the room ready, but now I am paralyzed with fear about moving forward on this project. What if we complete the nursery and then things go completely awry... I can't even finish the thought.
5. Have faith that this is the right path for us to grow our family and believe it with all the fiber of my being.
Ok, I can do this.
And we're off...like a herd of turtles.
1. J and I are planning to install hardwood floors in our home and I need to get off my duff and get started on that project.
2. We are also planning to paint the living room and dining room. I need to buy the paint for the living room and choose the color for the dining room.
3. My best friend, S, is getting married in May. J and I (and another couple) are planning on giving her and her fiance an "Around the House" shower in April. I have SO much to do to get this party in gear, and I have done nothing!
4. J and I also need to finish the nursery. We have painted, but that is about it. The crib arrived two months earlier than expected, but it is just sitting on the floor of the nursery still in the shipping package. We have bought the border that we want to use and we have also ordered the baby's dresser and a bookcase that needs to be stained. So we have taken some small steps to get the room ready, but now I am paralyzed with fear about moving forward on this project. What if we complete the nursery and then things go completely awry... I can't even finish the thought.
5. Have faith that this is the right path for us to grow our family and believe it with all the fiber of my being.
Ok, I can do this.
And we're off...like a herd of turtles.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Our Baby Boy...
This may come as somewhat of a surprise, but J and I already have a baby. He weighs about twenty pounds, sheds all over the place and he loves to eat anything and everything we give him, except grapefruit. He hates grapefruit. He will be nine in March and he is absolutely the light of our lives. He is a Jack Russell Terrier named Sherman.
The way that Sherman came to be a member of our family was a little unusual. He was given to us in late May 1996 as our first wedding present. We weren't getting married until September of that year, so the gift was a little early, but what a gift! When my friend asked me to come to her farm one evening to meet the litter of pups she had, I was happy to oblige. I love dogs of all breeds and mixes and love to cuddle with a puppy whenever I get the chance. In fact, one of my favorite smells is puppy breath. You know that smell that all pups have when they are eating Puppy Chow? Anyway, so I went and played with them all. There was one inparticular that continued to chew on my shoelaces, so he received the most attention, as I was always picking him up in an attempt to distract him from my laces. When I got ready to go, my friend quietly asked me if J and I would be interested in having the lace obsessed pup as a wedding present. I was floored. As it turns out, he was the only one that had not been sold yet. It was as if he knew he needed to "sell" himself or he would have to stay on the farm with his mom, who was none to happy about having puppies in the first place. J and I had just graduated from college and were living with our parents until we got married and J started his new job in another city that was about 2 hours away. I told her I would have to talk to J about it, and would let her know.
The next day, I decided that the best way to get J to say yes to owning a puppy before we were married, was to allow him to meet the puppy. So I swung by the farm and picked-up the puppy. I showed up at J's house that evening with the puppy in toe. Once J saw that face and heard that sweet little bark, he couldn't say no.
We are both so glad that Sherman is a part of our lives, now more than ever. As we wait for the time when we will be able to add another member to our family, Sherman continues to just be himself...his loving, spazzy, barky self. As anxious as I am to grow our family and to add another baby to the mix, I know that Sherman will always be our first baby.
Sherman, thank you for always greeting us with a bark and a wag. Mommy and Daddy love you!
Sherman 2004
The way that Sherman came to be a member of our family was a little unusual. He was given to us in late May 1996 as our first wedding present. We weren't getting married until September of that year, so the gift was a little early, but what a gift! When my friend asked me to come to her farm one evening to meet the litter of pups she had, I was happy to oblige. I love dogs of all breeds and mixes and love to cuddle with a puppy whenever I get the chance. In fact, one of my favorite smells is puppy breath. You know that smell that all pups have when they are eating Puppy Chow? Anyway, so I went and played with them all. There was one inparticular that continued to chew on my shoelaces, so he received the most attention, as I was always picking him up in an attempt to distract him from my laces. When I got ready to go, my friend quietly asked me if J and I would be interested in having the lace obsessed pup as a wedding present. I was floored. As it turns out, he was the only one that had not been sold yet. It was as if he knew he needed to "sell" himself or he would have to stay on the farm with his mom, who was none to happy about having puppies in the first place. J and I had just graduated from college and were living with our parents until we got married and J started his new job in another city that was about 2 hours away. I told her I would have to talk to J about it, and would let her know.
The next day, I decided that the best way to get J to say yes to owning a puppy before we were married, was to allow him to meet the puppy. So I swung by the farm and picked-up the puppy. I showed up at J's house that evening with the puppy in toe. Once J saw that face and heard that sweet little bark, he couldn't say no.
We are both so glad that Sherman is a part of our lives, now more than ever. As we wait for the time when we will be able to add another member to our family, Sherman continues to just be himself...his loving, spazzy, barky self. As anxious as I am to grow our family and to add another baby to the mix, I know that Sherman will always be our first baby.
Sherman, thank you for always greeting us with a bark and a wag. Mommy and Daddy love you!
Sherman 2004
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Ch Ch Ch Changes...
There have been so many changes in the adoption process since our Dossier was submitted to our agency in November 2004. A week after we learned that we were number one on the infant boy list, everything ground to a halt. The MOE stopped issuing the databank letters on December 7 to all agencies that are not currently accredited. Our agency's accreditation expired in September and they have applied for reaccreditation, but due to new laws, no agency has been reaccredited since August of 2004. Some regions are continuing to work with our agency despite the accreditation issues and some are not. It is at the discretion of the local MOE. Then the Duma passed new laws in late December, changing the required time that a child is to be on the National Registry. Previously a child was required to spend 1 month on the Local Registry, two months on the Regional Registry and three months on the National Registry. Therefore making the youngest age possible, at time of referral, six months. With the new law stating that all children must be on the National Registry for a minimum of six months the youngest available referral is now nine months. The big pain now is that all of the children that were about to come off of the registry – and could have been referred to us – are all being required to spend another three months on the registry. So we continue to wait.
In the grand scheme of life this is not a lot of time, three months. It’s just really frustrating that we were RIGHT THERE! J and I were all primed to meet our little one before Christmas. We even got so giddy that we started working on the nursery over Thanksgiving. As a couple that has suffered from IF, and never had a positive pregnancy test, we are both really gun-shy about doing anything too early. However, we thought that we would be meeting our child in the very near future and we wanted their room to be all ready for them should things move at a breakneck pace. In retrospect, what a laugh! We have been number one on the infant boy list now for well over two months, and we have not seen one referral.
I know, I know. All in God's time. I just wish that he would hurry up a little bit.
In the grand scheme of life this is not a lot of time, three months. It’s just really frustrating that we were RIGHT THERE! J and I were all primed to meet our little one before Christmas. We even got so giddy that we started working on the nursery over Thanksgiving. As a couple that has suffered from IF, and never had a positive pregnancy test, we are both really gun-shy about doing anything too early. However, we thought that we would be meeting our child in the very near future and we wanted their room to be all ready for them should things move at a breakneck pace. In retrospect, what a laugh! We have been number one on the infant boy list now for well over two months, and we have not seen one referral.
I know, I know. All in God's time. I just wish that he would hurry up a little bit.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Timeline...
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a child from Russia. We have been ttc since September 2000. This journal isn't really about our struggle with IF, but it may come up from time to time, so bare with me. Anyway, we officially decided to adopt internationally in June 2004. At this time we are waiting for a referral of either an infant boy or girl.
I would like to use this blog as a way to journal our experience and to keep myself occupied while we wait for the realization of the dream that we have carried together for so long. Following is our current timeline. I hope to be updating it very soon!
7.26.04 signed with agency
7.27.04 turned in Homestudy application
7.28.04 mailed I-600A
8.8.04 first homstudy visit
8.23.04 fingerprinted
8.29.04 final homestudy visit
9.2.04 homestudy completed
10.28.04 received I 171H
11.04.04 dossier submitted
waiting for the phone to ring...
I would like to use this blog as a way to journal our experience and to keep myself occupied while we wait for the realization of the dream that we have carried together for so long. Following is our current timeline. I hope to be updating it very soon!
7.26.04 signed with agency
7.27.04 turned in Homestudy application
7.28.04 mailed I-600A
8.8.04 first homstudy visit
8.23.04 fingerprinted
8.29.04 final homestudy visit
9.2.04 homestudy completed
10.28.04 received I 171H
11.04.04 dossier submitted
waiting for the phone to ring...
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